A weekend in the Shitty

Friday was really cool, I got a crew to roll up to the city with me. Finally I found people down to hang. Justin, Karen, and I went to Bar None where Shannon was going to meet up with us. Us three walk in and its not packed but there are quite a few people there. They had beer sluts there (well that's what I call them); you know, the girls that pass out keychains (to encourage drinking and driving?) and tell you to buy their beer. Justin was like, "Oh cool they're handing out key chains?" And I said, "Yea just grab one." I tried to get the attention of this chick that thought she was hot shit and she just ignored me. So we were like whatever and sat down at a table. The beer slut came over and was like, "Have you tried Fosters tonight, I mean Pilsner Urquell." We laughed and she said Fosters was last weeks slutting job. We told her we would get it next round, it was only 3 bucks. A waitress stops buy and Justin gets himself and I a Pilsner Urquell and gives her 10 bucks (a 4 dollar tip for those of you who are math-tarted) and she was stoked and all happy. The beer was horrible, I've had it before but couldn't remember how it tasted, I should have known that it was bad if it didn't stick out in my mind. We choke it down and the beer slut comes back and asks how was it. Justin asks what she things of it and she says likes it but touches her face. I tell her that when people lie they touch their face, which is true I read it somewhere (are you sure you read it somewhere or maybe you didn't. Oh that's right)..Family guy. So Justin touches is face and says, "In that case, I like it too." Beer slut didn't think this was funny so she leaves. The waitress walks by again and I step out and hold out my hand and say "hey..." As if to get another round. The bitch looks right at me and keeps on walking. I look at Justin and Karen and was like what the fuck. They laugh and I figure its not a good night to be talking to women for Dustin. So we don't get any drinks from that crack whore, she was a pimply bitch anyways. Shannon rolls up finally and I was stoked because she hasn't met the others yet and I think they'd all get along well. At this time we had a pitch and I pour a glass for Tony who rolled up with Shannon. He takes a sip and Shannon starts taxing his glass while he looks for his girlfriend Crystal. They come back and I pour another one for Tony and Crystal was like, "He doesn't want it, he's not drinking." Which is a lie because he just started the other beer. So I give it to him and he starts drinking it and Justin says, "Well its obvious he does because he's drinking it." Crystal gives him a dirty look, I thought it was because I didn't introduce them yet. So I introduce them and she looks like she's forced to shake his hand and gives the most sour look towards him. Justin was like what the fuck. So obviously Justin and I are sharing this special magic with the ladies tonight. Karen comes back from the bathroom and gets hit on by this greasy looking Mexican guy. So she still has her charm, not like the quality was there but she's got quantity over us. But the four of us (Shannon, Karen, Justin, and I) had a good time while Tony and Crystal talked to another couple from Navato, which Shannon told me is in the North Bay instead of the East Bay which I said earlier. Shannon and I drank moderately which is a little more than normal people because Justin was pretty drunk and Karen was wasted (but not waishted). I had a Kettle One Tonic for Andrea like I said I would (WHERE YOU AT GIRL!!!!); its like pouring a 40 for your homies, but you know its better because you get wasted and honor a friend. After Shannon leaves with her brother, we go and get pizza just to hide the alcohol breath I had. It was fun, Karen was wasted in the pizza place, I took pictures, it was funny.

The next night I have a date with Serena from the first blog. And of course I was late as always (I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date)...Alice in Wonderland. It was really great, I took her to the Stinking Rose, which is a really great restaurant. I made reservations and the recording is a "Vampire" and he's says, "Well-come to tha Stinking Rose, a gaaaarlic restaurant." pretty lame, I thought it was funny though. We had a really good time over dinner and shared a bottle of wine. She's really nice and cool too. I was going to take her to this bar after dinner and she told me earlier that her roommates wanted to meet us up at the bar; which I didn't mind. Darren was mad that I didn't watch the Bernard Hopkins fight with him so I told him to meet me up at this bar. While we were at the bar called "Royale" which is has kinda ghetto people but the DJ is cool, I mean he played "It Takes Two" which is a timeless classic. And its only five bones to get in. Nick calls me randomly and was he says, "Hey I'm up in the city and everybody bailed on me." So I told him to roll over too. Darren rolls in with Robi, I didn't know that Robi was coming. So while Darren was gettin drinks Serena comes over and was like, "Is this your brother?" And I said, "Yes"; stoopid Robi says his name is Robi, and she says, "I thought your name is Darren." I cover up by saying, "Oh that's his middle name." Kinda weak but always a save. I don't know why I did it, I felt like joking around and it seemed funny at the time, and it still does. It took a few minutes to convince her to believe that Darren was my brother, although that Robi and I look about as much alike as Darren and I. Darren said, "What do I embarrass you?" Hehe...YES, just kidding he doesn't. Later on the night one of Serena's roommates is standing in front of me and as I go to take the first drink from my recently purchased gin and tonic; her elbow knocks it to the ground. A little part of me died, the poor little guy didn't even have a chance, a soldier lost in battle. I said a prayer for him and he's in Gods hands now. Darren and Robi bail early because Robi was driving, so that's no surprise. Nick sticks around because he's too drunk to drive. We go over to get pizza and on the way this other guy that was hanging with one of the roommates says lets walk into a strip club and see if the girls come in. So we do and they get in for free. The Hungry i, the most beat chicks I've ever seen in a strip club, not that I would know or anything. There were better looking girls in the audience, which is good because on a first date I don't want to be staring at nude girls...but the second date... It was my most successful date I've ever been on, I got to eat, drink, AND see naked girls, I just didn't stare. BOOBIES!

FUCKIN 'COONS

I left the fucking window to my truck open last night. I walk up to it this morning at 8 and I was like, "aww shit". There were tracks all over my hood; they jumped from the hood to the window. I left a package of Zours (DAMN YOU MAT FOR GETTING ME HOOKED) that I had bought a long ass time ago; the last time I drove up from the OC. 3 months ago. Also they got in the cough drops too. For some reason the keys that I left in the cup holder were on the floor under the ignition. I guess they wanted to drive but got too loopy off the cough drops. That's good because its not wise to drive intoxicated, I bet they don't even have a license. Now there are tracks all over my seat and armrest. I wanna leave food out on the driveway and sit with a gun. Or bait food with like Alka-Selzer. Those fuckers. What do raccoons do for society...NOTHING. They just go through our garbage and make a mess. Or my truck and steal my candy. That was MY candy. If I was FEZ, I would hunt them with two sticks. Well now instead of cleaning my room I have to clean the car, because she's my baby; she's my lonesome lovely, bong gong be gong gong...Sorry, Eek A Mouse.

Retraction

Sorry for the previous story entitled "I'm never drinking again.." Robi did get that girls phone number, but he didn't ask for it, it was put in his phone by Claudia (real name Chelsea, see I was close; I bet if I called her Claudia she would still respond) But still Robi did not bring them back to the hot tub.

10:00 AM only another hour since the last entry

Dude, I just picked up the phone and said, "(enter non-descript company here), this is Bette" WHY?!?!!?! The guy on the other end started to bust up laughing. The Duce, never again.

I'm never drinking again...

Well that's a lie; I lie like a rug. But I should think about it, at least for a day or two. Last night Robi and I go to the Brewery; the ONLY decent bar in Half Moon Bay. There's a lot of dives, and I'm not talking about good dives like the ones I like to go to. I like dives that have a lot of beers on tap and has a bunch of bar games; these dives in Half Moon Bay, you walk in and you feel like shooting yourself; but they do have stiff drinks, which salvages any bar.

Anywho, we go there, and start of with the Double Bock IPA. Which every day after we have those I hate myself; mostly because they're 8.9% alcohol. The bartender said that they're going to stop making it and start an Octoberfest. THANK GOD, I can't go through too many more of these nights. But I LOVE Octoberfest, a month long of acceptable drinking. Octoberfest always reminds me of living with Yagi and Mike, Yagi making beer soaked bratwurst drinking heavily and BBQing.

So we start off with the Double IPA (the duce) and then we have a few more drinks, get a free brownie sundae because Robi knows one of the waitresses, who is a girlfriend of one of his friends; I think her name is Claudia, but I know that's wrong...Damn it I can never remember her name because I'm always drunk when I meet her; I only remember when Robi says her name. She tells Robi that her friend that's the server thinks he's cute. After only one beer, I'm buzzed because I haven't eaten, but not enough that I have my drunk goggles on. I look around and it seems like every girl in there is good looking; I figure its the cabin fever from being in Half Moon Bay and not seeing a lot of girls.

After another round or two, our buddies from High School come in. And it was funny because the last time I saw this guy Justin, I was drunk(shocker I know) and at the Brewery. He was with Kirsten and Laura, who are also from my High School. Justin says he's moved back up here from Vegas for a bit, so now I got another friend in Half Moon Bay so I'm excited. I buy the first round for my High School friends and we sit down at a table. Claudia (I'm sticking to that because I don't know what else to call her (keep reading in later episodes to find out the mystery name)) So Claudia brings over the girl that's into Robi and he's talking to them. She's totally digging him and Justin and I have to turn the other way because Claudia's boobs are A FLOWIN...we couldn't stop staring, which is hard because being a guy you're programmed to stare. I still don't get it, Robi gets girls thrown in his lap; literally this chick was leaning all over showin him cleavage. That NEVER happens to me, the girls being thrown at me, not the cleavage part. I've seen a fair amount of cleav in my day, but it usually ends up with a slap or "My eyes are up here Dustin!" Anyways I think Robi didn't even get a phone number because he always blows it. Not really blows it but just is oblivious to the fact that he COULD get a number AND a bed buddy. Eventually the girls get over waiting for him to do something and they just leave. Its happened numerous times when I've talk to girls and they're like, "Yea I used to like Robi but he just didn't get the hint." And I'm not talking about ugly or skanky girls, girls you'd bring home and meet the parents; like Doctors and Strippers. Its not like its happened just once, BUT ALL THE TIME. I need to set Robi up with an ear piece and just coach him through, fuck if that happened to me...

Anyways back to MY story, Justin then buys the next round of drinks before last call. Then we're the only people in there and they start flashing the lights at us, it wasn't even 10:30. So then we finish our drinks and I do the only sensible thing, invite everybody back to my place.

By this time Kirsten left and she was replaced by Julia. Robi blew it by not asking the other girls back with us because the more girls in the hot tub the better. I get all five of us drinks. Laura wanted something to eat which isn't a bad idea since I had a few chips at the Brewery for Dinner. I made french fries; which while taking them out of the oven, I burned my arm. But it is all worth it because we got the girls in the spa...always clutch, better than being in a hot tub with a bunch of dudes. Could have been more but fuck Robi can't seal the deal; shit that fool doesn't even bring out the contract.

So now that brings me to here to today. Woke up kinda drunk, hangover just starting to kick in. Now sitting at my desk not wanting to do work and still can't believe that its only been an hour, feels like its been five hours; and the aspirin hasn't taken the headache away. As Andrea says, "I always figured that as long as I'm busy I wouldn't be bored at work." Not true, we've discussed this. Now my body is more sore than it was yesterday after running a day before that. I went in a hot tub isn't that supposed to relax your muscles? Fuck, its going to be a long day.

The ultimate drinking machine that I have built while I was in college is slowly breaking down.